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 New Years Resolutions (Entry 17)

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Posts : 110
Join date : 2010-09-12

PostSubject: New Years Resolutions (Entry 17)   Mon Sep 13, 2010 5:38 am

Date: December 31st, 1950

“The future is knocking on the door. Once we answer it we welcome a new journey, but let us not forget the previous journeys we have traveled for it is those journeys that define who we were, but not who we become.”

Dearest Diary
I am still in shock over Emmett’s proposal to me. I cannot seem to get used to the beautiful development. I, Rosalie Hale am engaged to Emmett, the man I love. The man who will soon be my husband, forever.

I am so ecstatic. I can no longer conceal my emotions or thoughts effectively, so I have been avoiding Edward & Jasper. Speaking of Edward, I think he is sinking back into his old patterns. He is returning into the dark depressed state he had spent most of his immortality in. I look at Edward and think about how much I once shared his view on the way we live, and how we weren’t given a choice - that was until my fiancé came along. Fiancé. I just whispered that word out loud because I love the sound of it so much.

I can see from my Edward’s point of view very clearly because like all of us, he wanted a normal life…a happy ending. But again, like us all he was denied that happy ending. I will forever have the dream of living a normal life, of seeing myself as a beautiful grandmother sitting on the porch and watching my grandchildren play outside, but that it is not possible. It just isn’t, unfortunately.

It is only because of Emmett that immortality has become bearable for me. The problem with Edward is that he doesn’t have someone to distract him the way Emmett distracts me. He is all alone. Of course Edward has the love and support of our family, but we cannot be a substitute for true love. For a soul mate.

I am afraid for Edward. I think he has given up on love & life, if you can call it that. But without love Edward will leap into a world of darkness, emptiness. I don’t want him to be consumed by cynicism.

Right now Edward is out with Alice, Jasper & Esme. They went into town. At least that’s their “story.” There is still something they’re not telling me, and it’s highly frustrating. I don’t like to bug, though. If I’m not invited, then I wont ask to go. If they wanted me to go with them, they certainly would have asked.

I am currently waiting on Carlisle to return from the hospital. He is busy finishing up with some paper work. We are preparing to move again. We have to move every few years so the humans don’t get suspicious about us. So they don’t figure out that we’re different.

The primary reason I am waiting on Carlisle is because I’d like to ask for his advice on how to help Edward. I have already come up with some plans to try and keep Edward busy, like asking him to teach me to play the piano and taking him hunting with Emmett and I.

I may ask Jasper to come with us, too. I am getting attached to my new brother. I’m already used to him having my name, Hale, and I feel a special connection with him. Like he’s a real blood brother. I Just feel close to Jasper. A lot of the time he seems so incredibly anxious, but that’s just Jasper. He is an emotional sort of man and it’s probably because of his ability, his gift.

Jasper and I recently had a conversation. Right after I finished my last entry he told me he was watching Emmett & I dance from the terence that night. He told me he enjoyed himself and enjoyed the emotional vibe that we broadcast. I confided in him and told him how I felt about everything that happened. Mostly about my engagement.

I think that’s where my connection with Jasper comes from. Trust. I confided in him about exactly how I felt about everything. About my human life, becoming immortalized, Emmett, my engagement… everything. He had that brilliant, charismatic smile on his face that told me he enjoyed hearing about how I felt, and he didn’t manipulate my emotions, either. He just listened.

I also did my best to censor myself while speaking with Jasper. I have come to realize that I have an almost phobia when it comes to displaying my true depth. But I am afraid I slipped up when I was talking with Jasper about the New Year and the future.

Jasper confided in me about his doubts of withstanding the innate need for human blood. I tried to help and told him something that would hopefully give him hope, strength. In an almost whisper I said:

“The future is knocking on the door. Once we answer it we welcome a new journey, but let us not forget the previous journeys we have traveled, for it is those journeys that define who we were, but not who we become.”

Jasper looked at me like he’d heard an alien talk for the first time, and I quickly recovered my act and changed the subject to my beauty and how no one, mortal or immortal, could outshine me in a wedding dress. I don’t know if Jasper bought my attempts to hide my depth with shallow vanity though. It’s not something I can ask him.

One more thing before I sign off. The new year ahead of us made me think of what I want my resolutions to be. I have thought about this for hours and only five have come to min:

1. Spend every moment I can with Emmett
2. To have the perfect wedding
3. Help Edward out of his depression
4. Help Jasper overcome his thirst issues
5. Go another year without killing any humans

I just caught Carlisle’s scent. He is finally home. I have to go now - hopefully Carlisle can give me some ideas that can help Edward.

~Rosalie Hale
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New Years Resolutions (Entry 17)
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